Women tell why they regret having children
Numerous women have spoken out about their regrets about having children, with some saying they “hate” motherhood and others showing that they dislike their children.
The reluctant parents from around the world shared their stories anonymously in a Facebook group called I regret having children.
Those who posted in the group spoke about the social pressures of having children, as well as pressures from loved ones, the struggles of caring for children with developmental disabilities, and their own mental health struggles.
It’s not uncommon to regret having children, according to a 2021 YouGov poll, which found one in 12 Britons (about eight percent of parents) wished they hadn’t had children.
Parents from around the world have revealed the regret they feel after having children in a Facebook group titled I Regret Having Children (stock photo).
A poster from the US said: “My greatest regrets. I don’t hate my son, but I hate being a mother.
“I hate myself for making the decision to have a child. It’s so hard that I feel like I haven’t had any freedom since I’m a mom. I’m just waiting for him to sleep because I’ll finally be alone.
“I have a partner, I can’t stand him anymore, but I can’t be a single mom, I can’t be alone with my son. It’s just hard…thanks for reading.’
Meanwhile, another asked for advice after revealing she only had one baby because her husband wanted one and admitting she never wanted to be a mother.
She now suffers from postpartum depression and feels anxious around the baby.
She wrote: “I never wanted to have a child but my husband did. I got pregnant straight away and had the worst pregnancy and an emergency c-section.
“I wasn’t ready to have a child and I remember when she was born I was lying on the operating table knowing I didn’t love her and didn’t want her. I am now a year postpartum and have extreme PPD.
“I don’t want to be around my child. I don’t want to play with her, hold her or be in the same room with her. I get so anxious just being around her or counting down the hours until she gets out of daycare. I’m in therapy and on medication, but nothing seems to be getting better. Not sure what to do.’
Anonymous Parents shared their stories online revealing they regret having children and explaining why
Another spoke of the children’s temporary need for their parents, suggesting their own offspring now have little contact with her.
They wrote: “They love you sooo much and then the teenage years. After that, they think you’re a pain in the ass and don’t have time for you. The teenage years are better than how they ignore you when they are in their 20s. Then it’s like you never existed. Unless they need you to babysit.”
For another parent, it was the fact that she had three kids that pushed her to “annoy” her kids on a daily basis, making her feel like “a piece of trash.”
She explained: “I am a mother of a 4.5 year old and two 5 year old twins. I’m not sure if a day has gone by that I’m not upset about having three kids. I wanted two but the second pregnancy was twins so that was it. I love them all and they are all super smart. But I’m exhausted and the smallest things upset me and make me wish I could be somewhere else.
“Life would be so much simpler and more manageable if there were just two. And I feel like a piece of garbage.”
Some of the parents who posted in the group said they were exhausted from having children and they missed their freedom
Intense dislike for their co-parent was the reason one parent regretted having a child.
“After two years, I realize the only reason I hate being a parent is because of my child’s father,” the anonymous poster admitted.
“I wish I had never allowed him to put his name on the birth certificate. He only shows up when it suits him or when his mom makes him do it. He is abusive and extremely childish, but will not leave permanently. He’s playing the victim and honestly, me and my kid would be better off without him, but I don’t know how to go about it. I wish he would just disappear from our lives forever and I could just tell my kid he passed. ‘
Among the posters were those whose children had developmental issues that had made parenting even more difficult.
One wrote: “I feel so trapped in my life. I have a 27 year old daughter who will never be older than 16 mentally. I have my granddaughter who is three years old. I wish I could just raise my granddaughter and let my daughter go, but I know that would hurt my granddaughter. So I feel like I have no choice but to continue fighting through this life.’
Some said they felt trapped — either with their co-parent or with their offspring, which left them struggling
Several parents bemoaned the lack of freedom they’ve had since having children, with one writing: “I have a one-year-old daughter. I love her with all my heart, but I wish I had never had her.
“Before I got it, I had my freedom and I could do whatever I wanted, go out anytime and come home anytime. I’m jealous of my husband; he does not help in any education. Most of the time he only comes home to sleep, fuck and eat breakfast. If I ever ask him to take our daughter to the park so I can have my peace, it’s going to be a big argument. I have breakdowns and only cry because I miss my freedom. Please don’t have children unless you want to lose yourself.’
Another parent admitted that her “soul just longs for a quiet, peaceful life,” adding that she felt “ashamed and full of guilt for feeling that way.”
She added: “No children to constantly need me, no husband to serve or wait for. Not doing anyone else’s laundry but my own, preparing my own food that I want as opposed to what my children will eat and what my husband will eat.
Among the reasons given by parents who regret having children is their loss of freedom and their loss of a quiet, peaceful life
“I long to sit and read and write to my heart’s content, creating uninterruptedly, doing everything for myself without the weight of mother’s guilt ruining it. To sleep all night without anyone crying for me or anyone needing my body.’
One poster questioned why society isn’t more honest about motherhood and the sacrifices it requires.
The wrote: “Why aren’t people more honest about motherhood? The victim? The humiliation when the child deviates from normal? The expectation that the mother would sacrifice EVERYTHING? Being held to higher standards than fathers?
# Hearing negativity and being seen in a negative light when she speaks anything other than loving motherhood?? Especially if the relationship doesn’t work, how is she shamed, judged, criticized when the father doesn’t have these problems???
“Oh wait, are these the reasons people keep reality grounded???”